Movies of Myself

Grab Bag

Things I've been watching and reading and enjoying this week:

           News anchor fails. It's mostly people saying "dick" on accident, but it's still darn funny.

• "For Chinese Women, Marriage Depends on Right 'Bride Price'" - NPR looks at how the One-Child Rule has allowed women to be more selective in the marriage process. My favorite part is the end, where an expecting couple hopes they have a baby girl. 

• Trader Joe's Cinnamon Apple Snack Sticks - like a light, crispy churro with a hint of apple. Yes, that's as amazing as it sounds. 

• 6,297 Chinese restaurants and hungry for more - A very cool article about an L.A. attorney who has eaten at almost every Chinese restaurant in the Southland (and quite a few beyond). At one point he ate at 300 new restaurants a year.

• What's Your Favorite Super-Cheap Beauty Product - I'm a sucker for a good deal and this gives me a lot of hints and tips. P.s. the glory of this post is all in the comments.

What Interests You The Most

I drew up some quick typography art one night last week just because I was seized by the sudden desire to make something, which is something I haven't experienced in an unfortunately long time. My high school physics teacher was a Feynman devotee and quoted him quite frequently, so I always stop and linger when I hear or see his name mentioned. I thought I'd share this little bit of gold from him.

I've been feeling intensely restless the last couple of days and nothing seems to remedy it. Not writing, not reading, not exercise. Not good food or drink, music, or even making things, though creative work is the closest I've come to feeling even partway distracted. I've dug out a bunch of materials to begin a long-delayed journaling project, and I'm also very excited to break open a sweet cross-stitch kit that my friend Caysie sent me a little while back.

I think maybe my real problem is lack of face-to-face human interaction. Don't get me wrong, working from home is an utterly blessed life-changing dream 99% of the time for me. But I do think it's unhealthy that the only people I actually exchange eye contact with during the week (besides Patrick) are the unpredictable bedlamites at the post office and the one very helpful Fresh & Easy store clerk who looks like Super Mario?

At The Movies

Today I was sitting alone in my car in a parking lot crying.

Crying, because I saw that Roger Ebert had died after a protracted and painful few years dealing with a couple of different cancers and their treatments. I felt a relief for him because it must have been difficult and frsutrating for him these last years, but I also felt a deep and overwhelming sadness because the world does not have many minds like Roger Ebert and so the world will not be the same without him. 

I didn't see a lot of movies when I was young, but every week I watched Siskel and Ebert like it was my job. I loved to hear them analyzing and arguing about the films. It was as fun as watching a movie. I remember watching the tribute episode that Ebert put together after Gene's Siskels death from complications after brain surgery. I was as bereaved that afternoon as I am today. 

I watched At the Movies on and off in the ensuing years, but of course it was never quite the same. I didn't start to appreciate Roger Ebert's intelligence and humor again until I read his 2010 blog post about how much he missed eating and connecting with people over meals. After that I read his journal avidly. It was always heartfelt and thought-provoking and often it was incredibly moving. Even after watching him on TV for more than two decades, Roger Ebert's greatest legacy in my mind will probably be the incredibly beautiful tribute to his wife that he penned last year.

Roger Ebert shaped and changed the way I looked at film. You could dissect the different layers and pieces of a movie like you do in film class, and that was good. You could react to a movie emotionally and spontaneously, and that was good too. But you could also think about what a movie says about life, whether it be your own small existence or the big world waiting for us out there. Doing that might change your opinion of the film (or the book, album, dance, etc. - it applies to all arts) and doing that might alter how you see everything. That's what I learned at the movies.

There’s much more star dust when you’re near.

I saw a piece of paper fluttering under my car windshield wiper yesterday and flew immediately into an anxious fury. If that is a ticket, I thought, the city is going to hear it from me. The car is neatly and squarely situated in my regular parking space, which just happens to be located directly in front of the terrible crack in the sidewalk which caused me to perma-break my foot three years ago, and which the city has made no attempt to fix whatsoever.  

But it wasn't a ticket. It was this:

I stood there and looked at it for a minute, and then I looked around, half-expecting the person who put the note there to be watching and waiting for me to discover it. They'd be waving big with both hands at me from an upstairs window and I'd wave back and say, "Thank you! Thank you for everything!" But there was no one there. 

I was so utterly delighted, though. I bounced up the stairs to our place. "Look at what someone left for me!," I exclaimed to Patrick. It's exactly what I needed, I thought. I'm not gonna lie. The past few days hav sucked, as much or more as any day has in a long time. But suddenly I wanted to be nice to everyone and smile at strangers and tell someone how proud I was of them. I wanted to tell all of you to love yourselves and forgive yourselves. I hoped that nothing bad ever happens to anyone I love. 

Why would we not be kind, when it takes hardly any extra effort? Why do we waste energy attacking people and tearing little angry holes in them and in ourselves? Why not tell your friends and family that they are dazzling and that something they did counts. It would take five seconds. Why not remind someone that they are awesome, even if you don't know them. It might mean everything.

A New Life - Jim James

Doing and Not Doing

I was just sent into a mini shame spiral of anxiety and self-loathing because I just saw my design idol tweet that she's home on a Friday night working on beautiful new hand-lettered projects, while I frittered half the day away thinking about cookies and books that I want to buy and wondering how radical it would be if I spent ALL of Sunday in bed (with a book and cookies). Sometimes I hate the internet.  

Real Talk: On My Desk

When I take product photos I try to keep everything colorful but neat. Everything is lined up very, very precisely, even items that are placed askew to look "natural":

But of course it's not real. Not even close. This is what was going on two feet away:

That's the real deal, Sweet 'n Sour sauce that's been there for two weeks and all. My friend Michelle and I were talking about this a little while back. The pictures and posts on so many sites are so dazzling and perfect, it really makes you wonder how much of a gap there is between what's real and what's shown. Does everyone out there have it together except for me?

Small Thoughts: It Occurs To Me

Note(s) to self:

1. Drink more water.
2. Next week, take a day just for reading.
3. You cannot get a Christmas tree the second week of November. Seriously, you can't.
4. Things are just getting good.

FORGIVENESS - Charli XCX From the Super Ultra Mix Tape, available for free download now.

Tell the Bees

11/8 - If you could have any job (and instantly have the training and qualifications to do it), which job would you want?

I would be a beekeeper, with a bunch of thriving hives, and I would send my bees to into different groves so I could make all manner of lovely honeys. Orange blossom honey. Star thistle. Sage and blueberry and fireweed. I'd also make sure my apiary was on an island, so I my bees could be quiet and not anxious (and I as well). I would market my wares as rare island honey.

I feel like I've got an important part of this down already. I am not afraid of bees and I never have been, although I have been stung several times. Even on the rare occasion when I've been surrounded by a large number of them searching for food, I am a little more alert, but still calm, just letting them be. I've promised myself that someday I'll be in a situation where I can have a hive and see into the heart of it. 

Where Another Me Lives

11/2/12 - If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Probably here:

Yes, that is Hobbiton in New Zealand. I don't think anyone actually lives there, so I'd like to volunteer to take up residence. I've always like little hidey holes, ever since I was little. 

Really, I'd like to live most anywhere in Australia or New Zealand. Well, not in the barren outback where you'd die of thirst and a dingo bite in about four hours, but in any of the cities or pleasant towns. It just seems so friendly, beautiful and awesome. It seems like a place a little bit less touched by time and awful wear than the rest of the world. 

When my family left Vietnam they were given a choice of places to immigrate to, Australia or the United States. They chose the US, because my grandpa was closer to his younger brother who had moved to Los Angeles than he was to his twin brother, who had moved to Sydney. I always wonder about what my life would have been if they had made the other choice. I like to think there's a parallel me out there, happily looking out on some New Zealand beach.

Bang Bang

I hadn't gotten my hair cut in a really, really long time, so when I got to the salon today I asked my hair stylist for my bangs back. I wanted something different, but it took me so damn long to grow my hair out that I'm not quite ready to let go of the length yet.

My stylist always does a good job and gives me exactly what I want. She's also a blast to talk to, and we chat nonstop the entire hour that I'm there. I like what she's done this time, although it kind of make me feel like some wannabe vintage hipster thing. Though I suppose, all things considered, that is what I am.

Things I worry about:

• I'm reading too many murder books again.

• Strangers everywhere I go can either read lips or have a bionic ear so they'll be able to know everything I'm saying, even if I whisper.

• If I have kids, they'll look weird.

• I won't ever find a place to live where I feel like I belong.

• Patrick drinks too much diet soda.

• I could've written a really great book - if I wasn't so lazy.

• I like pork rinds too much.

How did I get to be so bad at talking to people? I remember there was a time, not that long ago, when I was honestly kind of good at it. I could talk to anybody for ages. Nowadays I am consumed with both thrall and dread when the checkout person at Trader Joe's strikes up a conversation (as they always do). I need to get better at making friends. Or maybe I need to get worse at moving away from the ones that I have. Or maybe I need to get a Furby.

Without you near me, no adventure. I want you to be home.

We are suddenly, spontaneously beach-bound and I had to scramble to find the only sunglasses I own, but I'm so happy to be going over to the water and sand and sunshine that nothing can drag my swag down.

There is always a feeling of urgency at this time of the year. There's always the knowledge that all the carefree summer days have spun away and what's left is so incredibly precious. The feeling is stronger this year than ever. Usually this would have me in a muddled panic, but come on now, what good does that do? 

This year I'm going to throw my beach things in a bag, turn the music up and surrender myself to what the summer has to say. I have the feeling it still has some amazing things to tell me.

Come Home - CHAPPO 

Chained (Panic City Remix) - The xx 

Backlines - Stars 

Nothing Compares 2 U - Capital Cities 

Unacceptable Condition

A current and most accurate self-portrait:

But seriously. This is what's going through my head most of the day. This clip also happens to be from the first episode of Adventure Time that I ever watched, so it's doubly special. If you are not already addicted to this show, please, get on this shiz.

Initial Thoughts on Wedding Planning

I swear to the gods this won't ever become some crazed and obsessed wedding-centric blog because I'll eat a jar of pickled hogs feet before I become a simpering, obnoxious bridezilla who can talk wedding and only wedding.

However, I would like to say that I am only a scant month into planning and I am already beyond overwhelmed. Everything's too loud, too frilly and disgustingly overpriced. And there is so much of everything to figure out, too. Definitely a party on steroids. There's also the unfortunate complication that I am dead set on diy-ing a bunch of things for the wedding myself. Eloping to New Orleans never sounded like such a glorious and tantalizing delight.

Why don’t you look around, show me what you’re made of.

I want to tell you guys all about the adventures I had in Yosemite this past weekend, but I have to wrap my head around everything first. It was such a spectacularly lovely time. The kind of trip that grips you with saudade while you're still in the midst of it, because you know it has to end soon. 

But it makes me think, if the year starts out like this, then we must have some pretty amazing things in store for us. Go outside, get the ball rolling. It's about to get loud in here.  

Comeback Kid - Sleigh Bells

Favorite Tweets from 2011

To all my Twitter friends - I salute you. You guys make my day almost every day. It took me a little while to warm up to Twitter, but now I adore it. It makes me laugh, brings me keen observations on the news, acts as a wellspring of recipe and craft ideas and is by far my favorite place to interact with people. Facebook got no game compared to Twitter. 

The other thing I love about it is that it provides a condensed timeline of comings and goings, like a bizarro personal diary. When I write my year end review posts I always rely on my tweets to remind me of the year's highlights and lowlights. You can see my favorite tweets from the users I follow over on the site, but here's a few of my best personal observations from 2011:

The Year in (Shortened) Review - 2011

YOU GUYS, I had been working for four hours on my Year in Review 2011 post and I was about 75% done when I accidentally closed the tab it was in and apparently not a single damn word of it was auto-saved (which has never happened to me before with Typepad). That's right, I lost hours of maudlin, nostalgic work in a millisecond. If I wasn't in the throes of some weird holiday travel-induced illness I'd probably have lost my mind. I can't believe I'm not having an aneurysm and telling a bitch. 

But you know what? If there's one thing that this year taught me, it's that I have to start rolling with the punches and taking figurative bulls by their figurative horns. I lost it all. It happened, it sucked and now I got to keep on keepin' on like a boss. 

Because a lot of crazy and terrible things happened to a lot of people this year. Earthquakes, hurricanes, storms and floods made the world seem senseless. Tens of thousands of children died of starvation. Regimes were overthrown. Dictators were taken down. Riots and protestors were here and they were everywhere. I don't have any predictions for the next year for myself or for anybody. Who knows what will happen?

But I just wanted to say thank you to you all for your friendship and your care. I haven't been the most consistent writer this year, but thank you for coming by and for sharing all the joys and worries that 2011 has contained. I've come to appreciate social media (especially through this blog, Twitter and flickr) so much in the past year. The sense of community is astounding, whether it's my little dedicated group of internet friends that are always ready to cheer each other on, or whether it's millions of disparate voices demanding and finding freedom.

Let's keep in touch this next year, babies, and let's keep each other going, one day at a time. 2012 might not be easy and comfortable. Fuck it, let's make sure it's not. We can't show ourselves how damn great we can be until it's not. This past year I took things safe and easy. I thought everything was the perfect little picture of domesticity until I realized I was also vastly more shy, anxious, withdrawn and listless than I've been in ages. Well, that train stops right here! Next year, do a few of the things you've only dreamed of, no matter if they bring some folly. Talk to everybody, laugh at everything, love until your heart breaks. Set fire to your life and see what's left when the smoke clears.

With the New Year's wishes of my friend Robyn and my most esteemed and regarded Neil Gaiman in mind, I propose that we fly towards this year, guns and swords ablazing. Let's meet it face to face, ready and willing, and not let it creep up on us from below. Let's make every day a three-day party and a triumphant toast afterwards. We can make our own happiness, I promise you that. 

With this in mind here's my redrafted year in review. It's a list of ten wonderful things that happened to me in 2011, written in a speedy burst of wonder and gratitude and expressing so much more than what five hours of toil could do:

• Patrick and I moved in together and got on swimmingly.
• Got to watch the midnight premier of the final Harry Potter with my sister. 
• Three beautiful babies were born to three of my dearest friends this year. My heart is overflowing with love and elation for them. 
• Summer cooking was never better: I learned to make ice cream and pizzas galore.
• Our friends Shawn and Ian left the Bay Area for new opportunities in Colorado. Although we miss them terribly we're very excited for what's ahead of them.
• Went to a number of graduations: cousin Aaron's from high school, cousin Leslie's from UC San Diego and my goddaughter Kristen's from kindergarten. So proud of everyone!
• Threw down at work and put my managerial hat on. At the time I was insanely stressed about it, but I learned a lot about what I'm capable of in the process.
• My dear friend got a clean bill of health after many months of painful and difficult cancer treatment. What an event for celebration!
• Took charge of my own health in the fall and started eating healthier and working out regularly. Felt better than I ever have. 
• Patrick and I got engaged the weekend before Christmas! It was the happiest day of my life so far :)

So, yes, I already know next year is gonna be a doozy. Let's make sure it's a year to remember. Cheers!

Beachcombing

We went back to the tide pools at Moss Beach. The lowest tide was not exceptionally low that day; it valleyed at just above one and a half feet.

But there was still lots to see. I found a pretty round of sea moss:

We started picking through the beds of teeny rocks at the edge of the sand, looking for sea glass and curiosities. I saw that Patrick had lined his findings up in a little row.

“He made a collection!”, I thought. I wanted a collection!

And so we started combing through the billions of miniscule pebbles and shards in earnest, looking for things that fit together, that told their own little stories. It was so much fun. It felt like something a child would do, devoting their full attention to the task and fully convinced that there was a genuine importance in the project. That it really meant something. We crouched in the cold, wet sand, moving past each other, back and forth.

And we built our collections.

In Which I Take Solace in Karma

The other day a woman came into my work for an appointment and unfortunately her sister (her nosy, asinine and obnoxious sister) accompanied her. I overheard this detestable exchange between them: 

Sister (flipping through an issue of People magazine): Ugh, they have an article on gay marriage in here. Why do they have to do that? It's terrible.

Woman: Well, they are people too, you know.

Sister: Yeah, but I don't want my kids seeing this article about them getting married and thinking it's okay. 

I did not look over at them. I couldn't. I left the area a minute later because I did not want to lose my shit while I was trying to TELL A BITCH. I was repulsed. She is a loathsome troglodyte. A slangwhanger.

I can only hope that this happens to her: 

and then maybe this:

Day 13 - A Song That Is a Guilty Pleasure

Some of my favorite guilty pleasures:

a plethora of snacks,

 
lazing around in bed,

and sometimes eating snacks in bed. Usually cake, or maybe cheese, though I've also been known to nom Honey Bunches of Oats there too.

Also, this song:

Dangerous feat. Akon [Explicit] - Kardinal Offishal

From across the room 
I can see it that can't stop myself from lookin'
and noticin' you, noticin, me.
Watch out I seen her type before.

Hahahaha. For some reason, my strongest memory associated with this song is the night before my friends Jen and Ryan got married. The wedding couple and assorted friends and family were scattered about the Half Moon Bay coastal area, gallivanting the night away. At one point a bunch of us decided to head back to the hotel, stuffing ourselves into a minivan which mysetriously had half of its seats removed. I was lucky enough to ride shotgun, but I distinctly remember this song coming on the radio and turning around to see a mess of folks half squatting / half dancing and singing at the top of their lungs:

Girl, I can notice but to 
NOTICE YOU.
NOTICIN' ME!

It was awesome.

April Desk Scene

365 - 104
April 14th, 2011

I noticed the other morning that I'd gathered this little array of things at the base of my computer. I think if I could I'd group everything in the world into little tableaus of complimentary colors.

365 - 54

February Desk Scene
February 23rd, 2011

One last look at the sweet Hello Kitty calendar that Michelle sent me, before I leave home. Today I'm very glad it's the weekend at last, but how did February fly by so quickly??

End of the Day

I'm having one of those super long and tiring days where, at the end of it, you don't want to speak a single word to anyone. All you want to do is go home and devote your whole heart and soul to chillaxing. I'm talking hardcore kicking back, i.e. putting on slipper socks, and reading and eating snacks in bed.

Speaking of bed, my bed right now is so very conducive to a calm and happy night like this. It's all made up with a duvet cover I've had for years and years which has been washed and tumble dried into an exquisite suppleness. And as if that weren't spectacular enough I have fucking grey jersey t-shirt sheets on my bed right now, sheets so soft I am going to die of comfort, at which time I will be reincarnated as more t-shirt sheets, bringing sheer, untainted bliss to sleepers everywhere. 

Resolved

via Feldore on flickr

Just a few goals for 2011 as this new year begins:

• Write fiction for three hours a week - this is my top priority for this year. I've been promising to "write more" for the last few years and it hasn't happened. This is concrete, it's scheduled and it's very realistic. Three hours a week out of one hundred and sixty eight? Come on. I can do that!
• Read 52 books (at least!)
• Visit New York City
• Eat no fast food
• Lose two dress sizes
• Save enough money that we can travel somewhere far away and fabulous next year
• Write to my friends once every two months
• Learn to cook a soufflé
• Listen to people when they talk

What do you guys want to do this year?

The Year In Review - 2010

All around me I hear people talking about what an utterly disheartening mess 2010 was for them. My friends have tweeted about it all year, and I've seen people gladly kicking 2010's ass to the curb this week on Facebook and on the blogs I follow.

I, on the other hand, am slightly reluctant to let the year go. Looking back at my blog archives, I was strangely prescient in my last post of 2009: "2010 is going to kick major ass. I just have a feeling, the kind I don't get often, of strange anticipation of sweet discoveries, grand goodnesses and adventures aplenty. I can hardly wait."

That was written in a sort of desperate hope, laying it out there so the universe would know that I needed it. But then I started moving towards it, making little changes here and there so I could be open to any and every goodness. And goodness ran after me. 

Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

"Happiness hit her like a train on a track.
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back."

JANUARY

• Put my camera away after carrying it constantly for 731 days. 
• Bid farewell to my friend Doug when he moved to Japan to follow his dreams.
• Traveled down to L.A. to meet my friend Robyn. It was an adventure of the very best kind.
• Decided to email Patrick completely out of the blue after nine months of zero communication between us. We'd had a falling out in early 2009 which ended with him telling me we shouldn't see or talk to each other anymore. And yes I still decided to write to him almost a year later (that's how crazy I am). This was the biggest chance I ever took in my life, and the best one.

FEBRUARY

• Started using my waffle iron on a regular basis.
• Road trip to L.A. Batcave. Medieval Times. Providence.
• Olympics!
• Cut my bangs short. Thanks for nothing, Zooey Deschanel.
• Was devastated by Cormac McCarthy's The Road and have felt a lingering gratitude for everything since.

MARCH

• New tattoo!
• Had a wonderful weekend in Phoenix with my dear friend Sue.
• Surrendered myself to pseudoephedrine. Still take it daily.
• Became completely obsessed with SpongeBob SquarePants.

At this point already I could see that this year was nothing like the last few had been. I was going places, meeting people and, most importantly, feeling more comfortable with myself than I ever had. And I could see why.

See, 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life. I was, more often than not, lonely, frantic and despairing. At times it was hard to make it through a single day. But I let myself get through it. I held my own hand, cheered myself on and although there weren't a lot of new happy things to celebrate, I let go of bad habits and lots of things I hated about myself. I let the loneliness hollow me out and make space for better things. In 2009 I learned to love myself for the first time in my life and - I don't have to tell you. It changed everything.

Next Girl - The Black Keys

"I wanted love but not for myself,
but for the girl so she could
so she could love herself."

APRIL

• Took a week-long trip to Thailand with my family. Came back with a million photos and a million memories.
• Went dancing at a club for the first time in years. Someone threw condoms at us.
• I just wanted to do hoodrat things with my friends.

MAY

• Visited my friends Holly and Casey in Portland and loved it there! Saw a million things, ate amazing food, got really obsessed with salt and came back with CHIGGERS.
• Took Audrey and Tiff to see Glee Live. Felt really old, had an awesome time. 
• The Pittsburgh Three paid us a visit. We were so happy to celebrate Chloe's first birthday!
• Watched my goddaughter dance in her first ballet recital :)

JUNE

• Vuvuzelas.
• RIP Coach Wooden
• Went to Pride for the first time!
• Started doing Chalene Johnson's Turbo Fire workout. It completely rocks.
• Kristen graduated from preschool. Cutest thing ever

This year I saw myself making better decisions and choosing things that would take me down long, good roads. I became calmer, more confident and it got just a little bit easier to bounce back from setbacks. I started dating the best boy in the world and was lucky enough to have one of my closest friends become the love of my life. If that's not something to dance and sing about, I don't know what is.

Back Down South - Kings of Leon

"If you wanna go, I'm gonna go.
I got a fire burning.
Go on take my hand. When we see the band,
baby's gonna be a big one."

JULY

• Guitaritas.
• Patrick moved to a new apartment, one with no murderers.
• Double Rainbow All The Way!
• Threw a baby shower for my best friends. 
• Went to a bitching summer street food festival with Steph. Dogzilla. Frysmith. Yum.

AUGUST

• Got a new phone. Became Master of Hello Kitty Match 3 Maniacs.
• Saw Patrick's grandfather's squadron photo at the USS Hornet.
• Started going to Panera Bread. A lot.
• Prop 8 overturned! Hell yeah.
• Hide your kids, hide your wife.
• Read a lot of books about embalming and dead people.
• Patrick started school!

SEPTEMBER

• Got really into cooking again. Especially cooking with bacon.
• Celebrated my first moon festival with Patrick. Had Round Food Night.
• Had the best Labor Day beach weekend ever!
• Started growing a garden. It's kind of still even alive.
• Watched too much of the Super Mario Brothers Super Show.

I felt every day get busier and busier and I felt a little bit like I was spreading myself too thin. At the same time, this made me glad because it meant that I wasn't just sitting on my butt and letting life pass me by. Through the second half of the year I became dissatisfied with some of my circumstances and it just makes me want to keep learning, keep growing, keep moving.

October - Broken Bells

"Remember what they say,
there`s no shortcut to a dream.
It`s all blood and sweat
and life is what you manage in between."

OCTOBER

• WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER
• World's Biggest McDonald's
• After a visit to the Kennedy Space Center, I wanted to learn everything about NASA and the Moon.
• Got my first Silly Band at Elysa's insistence.
• Had a little pumpkin carving party. 
• Took Patrick for a weekend in Vegas to celebrate his 30th birthday :) 

NOVEMBER

• I turned 33! It seems like a good number to me, a lucky number.
• Tried Four Loko. Oh noko. 
• Got the broken foot blues :(
• Had a hectic and wonderful Thanksgiving in L.A. Took Patrick to meet my family for the first time and I think they already like him more than me.
• Started using Instagram
• Met Baby Elle!

DECEMBER

• Worked on lots of cards and invitations.
• Decorated like crazy for Christmas! 
• Had so much fun baking new cookie recipes, including snickerdoodles.
• Saw my dear friend Sophia again. It had been a whole year since our last reunion.
• Christmas Pickle!
• Spent as much time as I could with a sweet baby.
• Got the holiday blues but recovered well enough.
• Had a really great time bonding with my family, including dim sum lunch three days in a row!

And so here I am getting ready to celebrate another New Year. Looking back at this all, how could I not be happy with 2010? It was full of laughter and love. I worked hard all year, testing this new self that I'd discovered in 2009, putting her into all sorts of places and situations. I am so happy with how she did. 

The most important thing I learned in 2010 was to stand up for myself and for what I want. I want my life and my time filled with smart, caring, funny, honest and positive people, and I'm okay with letting go of detractors. I respect others, I try to be kind and I expect nothing less in return. There's no room for anything else because I want so much to be a better person each day.

Going full circle back to January, I recall a Zora Neale Hurston quote that my friend Robyn shared with me: "there are years that ask questions and years that answer". I have lived question after question for so many years that I thought I was buried in them. This year was full of answers. Thank the gods.

So I come to the end of 2010 and I can put a big check plus by it. Then I will go hungry and expectant into the New Year, ready to work ten times harder and to relish whatever comes my way. It is as Sylvia Plath said, "I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am."

I want to leave you with a song, my favorite song of the year. Sweet and poignant and down-homey. Funny and catchy and sung straight from the heart. As I've grown older I've realized that what you think of as home is always changing and your actual home can be left far behind or be torn from you in an instant. Home is all about feeling safe and happy and loved. Home is good folks and home is yourself. This song is about finding and keeping these people, and about being perfectly satisfied to be yourself.

Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Here's to a great New Year's, full of contemplation and expectation. I'm grateful for your friendship and I'm grateful for all that we have. Because if you have the means and time to stop by and read these little things that I have the privilege to write, then we both have it pretty darn good, don't we?

Foot Shooter

I've been a little bit pensive and a whole lot distracted the last couple of days. I went for a follow-up visit with the orthopedic specialist on Monday:

Apparently, if my broken bone continues to shift the way it has been shifting and the bone fragments heal in a wonked out position, I will end up with a strange knobble on the side of my foot. Aforementioned knobble could eventually hurt like heck when I wear shoes. Right now my best option is to wait, hope, start stocking up on flip flops and glower about this entire situation. This is how I feel about that:

Foot Shooter - Frightened Rabbit

Let's Break It Down

It's been several days since we last spoke, my friends. Several crazy and ridiculous days. Let's just say things have not been at their best and brightest in Beckietown. Let's do a pictorial review of the second half of my week, shall we?

Things started out pretty well. Patrick and I went to the mall and took some fun photos:

And then Thursday morning came. I had tea and an egg for breakfast, got ready for work early, hair done, makeup done, everything did. We had tickets to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Death Hallows and life was good. I was headed happily out to the car, feeling like a pimp: 

Then all of a sudden I step into a motherfucking crack in the sidewalk which I can't see because I happen to be carrying huge armloads of things to the car. One minute I'm taking care of business and the next minute I am down for the count. I'd fallen down hard with my foot twisted under me in a supremely unnatural position.

Enter WORLDS OF PAIN. Now, this wasn't the worst pain I've ever felt in my life, mind you. But it was a persistent, insistent and ever-increasing pain. I somehow got myself and all my things into my car and went to work where the foot part of me got more and more swollen and immobile and the head and face part of me got more and more like this:

And when the foot continued to worsen I literally hobbled home, iced and elevated that bitch, took some Nyqyuil and hoped for the best. Patrick came over, pizza, bandages and sympathy in tow, and helped me out because I could basically not make it across the room on my own. Needless to say we didn't see the movie that night. I don't think I could have stood up for one minute on my own for anything. Overnight rest helped, but not quite enough. Bright and early the next morning Patrick drove me to an urgent care center.

What I thought I would be told: Beckie, this is a , but it ain't no thing. Just take it easy and you'll be alright, clumsy. Now get to work and have a fine-ass weekend.

What I was actually told: Dude, your foot's broken. See how in this x-ray the end of this one bone is now in three pieces? Yeah, that's why you can't take two steps without crying. Now put this Terminator boot on, use these crutches for the next eight weeks. 

Broken foot?? Broken foot??!?!? Sure, it's swollen. I feel like I'm dragging a pork roast around at the end of my leg. And yeah, that bruise isn't the prettiest thing around. But broken?

I'm lucky, though. The specialist I followed up with said it's not a bad break and that I don't need a cast. He also said that I can take Vicodins and order Patrick around as much as I want (sorry, sweetie, did you not hear that part? The doctor did mumble when he got to that part.) So I'm trying to make the best of things and keep on trucking. Things were already better this weekend. We had a Four Loko party:

Which I do not recommend. This stuff is freaking vile. It's like they bottled the taste of failing an exam and getting dumped in front of a crowd of people, all in the same day. It did make us kind of faded, but personally I couldn't get through half a can.

And I've gotten so many kind messages from so many great people. It's made me feel a million times better already. So here's to little cells working hard and fixing themselves. And here's to better weeks ahead. 

Well put me in a cage full of lions, I learned to speak lion.

Usually the end of Daylight Savings means one thing to me: another hour to sleep like a log, fuck yeah.

But this year, falling back is messing with my mind. I have a sudden agonizing need to become wildly productive and improve every aspect of my life, all because we have one "extra" hour. That vague, elusive hour and what I do with it is defining my life. Carpe hour.

I feel like time is wildly a' wasting and if I don't do something about it soon I'll never be able to gain control again. It's like my life is that runaway train in that new shady-looking Denzel Washington and Chris Pine movie, only the passenger cars are full of Kit Kat and Cheetos and the conductor is too busy clicking random articles on Yahoo! OMG! to realize that there's anything even wrong.

I need to listen to six albums, read a dozen books, work out more (and harder), make some cards, meet new friends, iron thirty shirts, be kinder to all my old friends, watch all 100 things in my Netflix queue, beat Angry Birds, try new restaurants, call my grandma, learn about the Mooon, bake a cake, write a book, make more cards, decorate for Christmas, make this The Best Thanksgiving Ever, take more pictures, blog all the time, recycle more, volunteer in a soup kitchen, meditate, save more whales and oh my god.

And did I mention I have to do this all in one hour?

One Crowded Hour - Augie March

Things to ponder on a Friday evening

• Oh my god, I straight up felt like barfing twenty minutes ago and I have no idea why.

• Okay, that is a complete fabrication. I'm guessing it's because I ate a frozen corn dog for lunch today. I freaking love corn dogs and used to eat these with aplomb, but because I basically never eat junk-ass food anymore, I guess my stomach got angry. It's like all of a sudden I'm that Supersize Me dude and I can't even keep down a nuggets or something.

• FYI, all non-Californians: yes, we really do use the word "dude". Non-ironically. Often.

• To make up for the corn dog near-yacking experience I am now eating Trader Joe's "Healthy 8 Chopped Veggie Mix". It is freaking delicious. I like it more than the corn dog. I'm like a stranger to myself right now.

• I also have a ruff headache right now, bro. All I'm saying is thank goodness for soft t-shirts and ice water.

• All I can manage is to lie in bed and watch the video for Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You" on YouTube. The song is catchy as heck (and obviously NSFW).

• Mayhap I am also on Tumblr laughing my butt off at this:
  
  
  via The Wrong Emma

Here and There

via IrenaS on flickr.com

I want to be here. On that porch with those people. Or maybe on the winding street below, holding a market basket, waving up at them. Then I want to walk up through olive orchards and look out at the sea.

It is magnificently overcast and gloomy outside this morning in Santa Clara and it is 56 degrees. Where was the summer I was so looking forward to? This past weekend's predicted heat wave quickly died a blustery death. I know I should just appreciate the pleasant conditions and get on with things, but the days are starting to feel just a little monotonous and smothering.

I think I would rather be here ust for a few days. Just until home feels like home again.

Not So Lazy Monday

Things I did today:

• Sorted through all my photos of the baby shower and the L.A. Street Food Fest. Lots of pictures to come in future posts.

• Craved tacos and hot dogs and ice cream and all manner of other tasty bites I tried at the Food Fest. Yum.

• Ate dissatisfying odds and ends instead of real meals because I didn't feel like grocery shopping and I have no almost food at the house. Two bowls of Kashi cereal made up dinner. 

• Read a long and fascinating article about the actor James Franco. Love him more than ever.

• Had a very productive invitation design day involving red gingham patterns and severely adorable anthropomorphic ketchup bottles.

• Admitted that I love Target Archer Farms brands potato chips.

• Listened to the upcoming Arcade Fire album, The Suburbs, all day and loved it more each time.

• Listened a bunch of times to this, too:

Notorious Vampire - Vampire Weekend vs. Notorious B.I.G.

Summer Nights

It has been so warm in the Bay Area lately. Now, I know in my mind that things aren't really that bad. The temperatures get up to the mid 80's, maybe the low 90's during the day. Nothing like the weeks on end of 100+ temperatures I lived through every summer of my childhood. And at least it's not humid. God, there's nothing worse than humid.

But the house gets warm as soon as there's a hint of sunlight and stays that way until bedtime. You have to keep the windows open all night to get any sort of relief. It reminds me of the summer I was about to turn seven. The serial killer Richard Ramirez, otherwise known as the Night Stalker, was spreading terror on the streets of greater Los Angeles. My family decided that their best reaction would be to keep every door and window shut tight until he was captured. He wasn't apprehended til over a year later, so we spent a summer and a half sweltering every night in our house. I can still remember even now how hard it was to get to sleep in that kind of heat and I wonder if it is that period of time that triggered by lifelong struggle with insomnia.

If I am to be honest, though, I like this summer. I like the stark difference between how things feel now compared to how they did during the months of rainstorms we got earlier in the year. I like that the sun gives you a kind of energy, tempered by a laid-back and languid comfort, that makes you hope the days go on and on just like this.

Hot Like Fire (Aaliyah cover) - The XX - I am currently 100% obsessed with this song.

You or Your Memory

I think I'm just about ready to start carrying my camera around and letting photography fever take hold of me again. This past week I took a decent number of shots and it felt really good. 

I took the hiatus because I was bored. The same few photos were appearing on my memory card again and again; the same bokeh-laden flowers, cutesy trinkets and, more often than not, food.

Food photography has really become my thing. Not only are delicious still lifes my favorite type of shot to compose, I seem to have some sort of innate understanding of them so that I will arrange things almost in a trance, with quick movements and adjustments that come from some other plane of knowledge that I'm not entirely conscious of. Then I'll take one, two or three quick shots. And one of them will feel just right. 

So now I have hundreds of these quite similar shots. Caramels, steak, sea salt, short ribs, ginger beer...it goes on and on, in what I assumed was a big tasty blur. But this week I realized that I've come to use these food pictures to catalog my memories. The photos of each meal mark not just the hour (give or take) of their consumption, but also the events and the emotions that surround them. 

Take the picture in this post, for instance. At face value it's just barbecue salmon from The Cheesecake Factory; a huge portion of it with a veritable baseball of mashed potatoes ordered for a very late lunch, which will probably feed me for another two meals. Plain. Simple. 

But my mind will take this photo and punch neat holes on the side of it, then file it away as the tail end of a wonderful Independence Day weekend in the scrapbook of my life. It will make me remember that, earlier the same day, Patrick and I had Barefoot Coffee Roasters cappuccinos for the first time and that he also ate his first glazed donut from Stan's, a treat I was so excited to share with him I was like a little kid telling you the plot of their very favorite story. 

Somewhere in the background of this photo will be the walk we took around Patrick's new apartment building and the sense of anticipation for all the lovely times I know we'll have there. 

Maybe someday in the future when I look at this picture again I'll remember that in the hour preceding this meal I walked by a house with bougainvillea in full bloom, framing the doorway in an almost-blinding explosion of wild color, calling out to the summer sun in sympathetic fire. Maybe I will remember being almost engulfed in gratitude for a few heartbeats, thankful to be happy for all the right reasons at last. I hope so.

Memory Games - Sleeping States

Harry Potter Land

via chrisbheath.wordpress.com

Dudes. Did I tell you that a work-related trip will take me to Orlando this coming October? Do you know what that means?

The motherflipping WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER, yo!!!

Tickets and rooms are booked. I've had contemplative discussions with both Patrick and my sister about what houses we would be sorted into.  Now I just have about three months to daydream about walking through Hogwarts. I am so excited I can barely even think about it.

 

via hello random stranger

I can't wait to get a wand at Ollivander's and pay eight dollars to drink a butterbeer! I even can't wait to eat chocolate frogs while I stand in line for four hours to walk past Dumbledore's office. 

via talons & tea leaves

This is going to be amazing.

Lets take off. No one would know that we've gone.

It's getting warm around here. Summer is literally just a week away and you can tell just by stepping outside.

Summer always seems like the best time for remixes, mashups and dancing like there ain't no tomorrow. I'm packing some things up and heading to the beach right now and this is what I'll be listening to today. Hope you're all having a great weekend!

Bicycle (Little Loud Remix) - Memory Tapes

Nightcall (Vodka & Milk Remix) - Kavinsky

Re: Stacks (Tomas Barfod Remix) - Bon Iver

Coach Wooden

via www.achievement.org

John Wooden was the first person inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame as both a player and a coach. He coached the UCLA Bruins to ten NCAA titles, seven of them consecutive. In that time they had four 30-0 seasons. No other coach has had more than one undefeated team. Between 1971 and 1974 his teams won 88 straight games in a row.

My favorite John Wooden quotes:

• "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."

• "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?"

• "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

• "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

My favorite John Wooden story*:

In 1947, Coach Wooden's first year coaching at Indiana State, his team won the conference title and received an invitation to the NAIB tournament in Kansas City. Wooden refused the invitation. The NAIB did not allow African American players, and one of the 12 members of the Indiana State team, Clarence Walker, was black. Coach Wooden would not take any players to the tournament if they could not all go.

The next year they were invited again and after some finagling with the NAACP, Wooden brought the whole team. Walker was not allowed into a number of establishments the team stopped at from Indiana driving down to Missouri. He was not even allowed to eat in the Kansas City hotel dining room where they stayed. In each case Coach Wooden would take the team somewhere else, get take out, keep the team together.

He explained his actions thusly: It was just my upbringing that you never looked down on anyone for any reason at all, and certainly not race or religion. You're as good as anybody, but you're no better than anybody.

My second favorite John Wooden story**:

Coach Wooden's wife Nellie was his high school sweetheart and the love of his life. They were married for 53 years. She died of cancer in 1985 and on the 21st of every month after her passing, Wooden would visit her gravesite and then go home and write her a love letter.

via www.achievement.org

Eight months ago, on the occasion of John Wooden's 99th birthday, I started writing this blog post. Coach Wooden is one of the people I have most admired, not just in the world of sports, but in the world. He has been a positive and profound influence on every aspect of my life. I had a big laudatory blog prepared for his 100th birthday and I'm sad to have to share it on the occasion of his passing. But you know, 99 years of goodness is something worth celebrating.

John Wooden valued friendship and love, hard work and doing your best; small, simple things that add up to a great life. Coach Wooden was genuine, full of a frank and useful wisdom. He showed me that a person can have wild success yet still be humble, kind and giving. That, in fact, self-awareness and generosity were the actual achievements.

To quote Rick Reilly, "there's never been a finer man in American sports than John Wooden, or a finer coach." Rest in peace, Coach Wooden.

October 14, 1910 - June 4, 2010

---.....---.....---.....---

*from the Academy of Achievement

**from cnnsi.com, my favorite John Wooden article

In me you can confide, I'm always by your side.

Mid Week Mini Music Mix

I've been reading Cory Doctorow's novels this week, blazing through them at an alarming pace. They're smart, funny, irreverent and have just enough technology in them to make me feel delighted that I (mostly) understand what he's talking about. 

Best of all, his books are available for free download from his website in a wide array of formats. I'm still going to buy the hard copies of the books though, and donate them to my local library. I'm reading Doctorow's Little Brother right now and I'm so inspired by the section in his foreword about how important libraries, classrooms and bookstores are. Each chapter of Little Brother is dedicated to one of the author's favorite book purveyors and he also supports an organization called Adopt-A-Classroom. 

It really got me thinking about how much a good teacher can enrich your life and how many amazing teachers have influenced mine. I'm currently friends with a number of teachers who contribute a lot of their own money and uncompensated time to their classrooms, and I'm sure that's becoming more of an issue every year with all the budget cuts in education. 

I'm sponsoring a second grade classroom at my old elementary school and I hope that my small contribution will help make things a little easier. What I like most about it is that all of the proceeds will go to the classroom; the organization doesn't take any fees for administration. This is a situation where even a small donation will make a big difference and I hope you will consider adopting a class, too. 

Odessa - Caribou Caribou has switched gears and gotten all dancy and I think I like it. Of course I do. 

Everlasting Light - The Black Keys I'm still loving on the eloquent funk of this Black Keys album. I always smile when this album opener comes on. 

Lights - Interpol This is the track that Interpol emailed out to fans a few weeks ago and it reminds me of their glory days with their first two albums. I have high hopes and high anxiety about their new album and I'm hoping they'll be back in fine form. 

Howlin' For My Baby (Featuring Jordan Hudson & Mike Coykendall) - M. Ward I've really been enjoying Volume 2 of the soundtrack for the HBO series True Blood. It perfectly captures the sultry, Southern mood of the show and its heroes. 

Sweet

One day last week I left work a little early because it was such a nice day you were almost legally required to go outside and enjoy it. It was sunny and breezy, and all that I had on my agenda for the rest of the day was reading, shopping for pretty sundresses and enjoying a glass of wine. I stood by my car, just thinking that I didn't know how the day could possibly get more perfect when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, Tommy's mom walks up to me and asks, "Beckie, do you want some sweet potatoes?".

"Sweet potatoes?", I asked, looking curiously at the little brown paper bag she was trying to put in my hands. "I LOVE them! But are you sure?"

"Oh, yes", she answered. "I have extra."

So I accept the bag, not taking even a quick peek in it til I get home. Inside are three gorgeous potatoes, roasted til the skin is charred crisp and still piping hot. The peel comes off quick and easy, and the meat is at that perfect stage between soft and firm and they have somehow been lightly caramelized from the inside. The flavor is magnificent, with an aroma and a taste reminiscent of s'mores and of buttery bread and of HEAVEN. Seriously, I'm kind of a sweet potato harlot, and these are the best I've had in my life. 

I just stood there at the counter, peeling and eating all three until I was done and very, very pleased. And that, I thought, is how the day gets more perfect.

You never need to doubt it.

I have been in a thousand knots of worry since yesterday when my mom called me to explain that my dad was in the hospital. He'd had what they suspected was a small heart attack (if such things can be labeled with sizes) at four in the morning. Ten years ago he'd had a coronary angioplasty and it looks like he's going to undergo the same surgery today or tomorrow. He's stabilized and in good spirits, and the cardiologist thinks that the procedure should be completed very soon. My relationship with my father can be termed complicated at best, but of course, how could I not be distressed? He is after all my only DeeDee, music-lover, bread connoisseur, gardener extraordinaire. If you have a moment to send up a prayer in his name today, it would be much appreciated by me and by the other members of the Tran Clan. 

God Only Knows - The Beach Boys

To all the ladies in the place with style and grace.

March 9th.

On March 9th, 1994 the poet Charles Bukowski died of leukemia at his home in Southern California. Three years later, March 9th, 1997: Notorious B.I.G. dies in an L.A. drive-by shooting.

Bukowski:

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, “I’m not going to make it,” but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”

“I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.”

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must live.”

Biggie:

"Thinkin' I'm gon' stop givin' L.A. props?
All I got is beef with those that violate me.
I shall annihilate thee.
Case closed, suitcase filled with clothes."

"Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis.
When I was dead broke, man I couldn't picture this."

Get Money - Junior Mafia feat. Notorious B.I.G.

Everyday is Like Sunday

So this morning I lay in bed for ages listening to U2's The Joshua Tree on vinyl, not doing anything but just enjoying the songs and waiting for every familiar pop and whistle. After my The Joshua Tree craving was finally satiated I got up for perhaps an hour to consider answering e-mails (and of course doing nothing of the sort) and to also crave cream tea only to remember that I had neither scones, biscuits, jam nor even milk. Then I got back in bed and spent the entire afternoon alternately napping, reading Sherlock Holmes stories and eating cheap, delicious convenience store candy bars. I'm pretty sure it is a contender for my very finest hour.

Trip Through your Wires - U2

The Dog Days Are Over

 

To Do List for this Weekend: 

• Hem four pairs of pants. Either fix my old sewing machine or set up my new (Hello Kitty!) one and stop looking like a freaking hobo.

• Iron. Ditto on the hobo boycott.

• Update my chocolate journal.

• Do NOT get a new tattoo. Even though I really want a new tattoo.

• Finish making some 2010 calendars. Because January is half over now, for the love.

• Eat the recommended five a day servings of fruits and vegetables. I bought a whole flat of apples and oranges, so I've got no excuse.

• Watch Disc 1 of Season 1 of In Treatment. Can't wait. 

• Listen to this wonderful song about 5 dozen times. It's from one of last year's most highly-regarded albums, which I've only recently discovered. She is absolutely awesome:

Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

But I love plastic.

 

Oh, hey L.A. Thanks. 

Thanks for Donut Man, Gyu Kaku and Craft. Thanks for January weather that lets you wear skirts and tank tops. Thank you for rock of the 90's on KROQ and for every single damn second of airtime on KCRW. Thank you for thrift shopping and t.v. and lights everywhere. Thanks for In n Out and Blue Marlin (especially for Blue Marlin). Thank you for letting me run my little baby car like a maniac on the curves of the 110 and for no traffic driving past downtown, through that stretch that always makes me feel like I'm home. 

Thanks for an all around great weekend (and for getting everything exactly right, even the things I didn't know I needed)

--b

What the Beep

So according to my sister, this blog is blocked on the Wifi network at her high school (which was also my high school) due to "inappropriate language". 

Dude. What the fuck is up with that? Why is my alma mater trying to bring me down? 

The baffling thing is that several other sites that contain an occasional cuss are viewable. Even the Fuck Yeah Twilight Sucks tumblr is allowed. If a site with an f-bomb in the actual url is okay, I don't know what horrors I could've written to earn the block. 

In all seriousness, though, I do not use profanity on here lightly. I know that writing can almost always be just as effective without it, but I also think a carefully placed curse can often lend a touch of lightness, humor and even emotion, and I'll only include one deliberately with those intentions in mind. 

Take this song by Nada Surf, too, a song that I love. "Oh, to hell with it," they say at the beginning, and then go on to tell the story of a horrible year, the kind of year that can make you throw in the towel. But let's say you keep on going, keep on fighting the fight. When you're still standing at the end of the day, then you can say, "Oh, fuck it! I'm gonna have a party." And it will be good, it will be sweet. It will be the most appropriate thing you can say.

Blankest Year - Nada Surf

On breakfast and other New Years matters.

New Year's morning in L.A. It's almost 11 a.m. and all I can think about is awesome breakfasts. 

I've been here a week and a half and haven't once considered venturing out to any of my old favorite morning haunts. I just haven't been in the mood and, to be frank, sleeping in has sounded much more attractive every morning. 

But right now I am consumed with visions of egg sandwiches and macarons from Europane, pancakes from the School Cafe, buttermilk waffles and the world's best candied smoked bacon from Julienne. I would seriously throttle someone for the cornflake french toast and fresh squeezed juice from Marston's right now. 

However, it is New Year's Day and none of my little favorites are open to bring me platefuls of carb coma-inducing greatness today. I am wondering whether even the Chinese businesses are open. I will probably just search for a donut place? I don't know.

What I do know is that my mom has made the grandiose declaration that she will cook the family dinner tonight, an event which I will not believe until I actually see it. I honestly cannot for the life of me remember a single occasion when my mom has made an entire meal with her own hands with the exception of an anomalistically delicious chicken porridge which is sparingly produced when we are sick and a brief week about 15 years ago when she decided to take up cooking and the one dish successfully learned was a strange combination of tomatoes, beef strips and scrambled eggs. She is making a big Vietnamese dinner tonight. 

2010 is starting out to be all kinds of different and wonderful already.

Red & Green

Some holiday thoughts:

• I made a vomitrocious amount of cookies on Sunday. Piles of cookies. These are some of them. Needless to say, I have had it up to here with cookies.

• Yay for reusable gift bags. That's mostly what I'm using this year because I'm bad at wrapping presents and am just going to very quietly and sulkily admit that I don't even enjoy it very much at all. Buying the paper and the ribbons is great, but implementing them is awful.

• It is so great to see the Christmas cards I made for people in action. I love getting them in the mail, love seeing them displayed at people's houses! It just warms my heart.

• I did all my Christmas shopping this year without stepping foot in a mall. I hit up a couple of strip malls and a Target, but not the shopping center. In fact, I haven't been to Westfield for months. 

• My sister has gone on a four day cruise to Mexico. I am going to use the first couple of days of my vacation to furiously read past her in Pride and Prejudice, our winter Sisters book.

• The only other good thing about my sister being gone is that she won't be there to snoop through all the gifts I had shipped to the house.

• However I am pretty sure our mother will snoop through them all.

• If I don't eat Din Tai Fung, Kogi, Wurstkuche, Five Guys and Blue Marlin when I am down in L.A. I will consider life not even worth living.

• I keep looking at the holiday paper chains I made and my eye is caught by the pattern that looks exactly like a strip of bacon, like the one smack dab in the middle of the picture below. Next year I am going to make the chains with ONLY that paper so that I have yards and yards of festive Christmas bacon.

 

Best Car Ever

Just saying is all. Best car EVER. 

Hotdog - Simian Mobile Disco

In The Kitchen

A really cool thing happened to me this year and it all started with a pot of soup:

Hearty chicken noodle soup made completely from scratch with organic veggies, meat and pasta. Six whole hours elapsed from prep to bowl and it was as wholesome, heartwarming and tasty as any soup I'd ever had. This is the kind of recipe I used to flip to, bark with laughter at and abandon instantly for a quick trip to the canned goods aisle at Safeway. Progresso, suckas. 

But, of course, I was the sucker. There is nothing, nothing, like a good home cooked meal prepared with purpose and care. When I put that first mind-blowing spoonful of soup into my mouth I wondered, "hey, why don't I do this more often?"

That was back in January and, to my surprise, I did start cooking at home more. I soon realized that it only took a little time to make a loose meal plan each week; the weekly menus made food shopping easier and daily food prep much smoother. Soon, my actual cooking skills improved and I was trying lots of different recipes and techniques, always keeping my eye out for fresh seasonal produce and, would you believe it, actually enjoying the entire process. So I started cooking even more and now it feels natural. I can't imagine not doing this.

It has been nothing less than an amazing experience and it has entirely changed my relationship with food. The things that I cook are almost always simple, but they are the things I want to eat. The meals I favor rely heavily on lovely and vibrant things often grown nearby, and they make me grateful everyday to live in California. 

I am beginning to understand at least a little the true nature of ingredients. Complementary flavors, recipe ratios, spices and substitutions - it's like a whole new world has opened up for me. Cooking is art and science, psychology and philosophy. I've gained a deep appreciation and a profound respect for cooks and bakers everywhere. And I've gained more confidence and poise when I am the one in the kitchen.

It's a great feeling to read a recipe and think,"hey, yes. I'm going to make this and it's going to be great." It is a really, really cool thing.

 

Good Things

Things I am thankful for this week:

• finding a fun and talented stylist at a new salon to cut my hair
• jars of honey
• The Big Game: Cal - 34, Stanford - 28. Go Bears.
• foie gras and Nutella. In the same freaking meal.
• The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Granada edition) on Netflix Watch Instantly. All thirteen g.d. hours of it.
• Ed Macfarlane's face
• a bottle of red wine from Spain and good people to share it with
• Holiday photo card designs - finished!!
• pictures of pomeranians dressed like Teddy Ruxpin
• cable knit tights
• good music: 
  

  Horchata - Vampire Weekend