Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
Well what's wrong with that?
I'd like to know.
Here are a few things I know about love. It took me a long time to learn them, and they were hard lessons. They are a drop in one of the billion buckets that make up modern love. But I am very, very glad to know them.
13. If you break up with someone, don’t call, text, write or message them. - You are not allowed to do this anymore, unless you have children together and need to communicate for their well-being. When you end a relationship, all your rights to the other person's time and attention are absolutely forfeit, even if they seem amenable to maintaining some sort of communication. If you think checking in on them is a kindness, then you are delusional and you are seriously not helping. Imagine if you broke someone's leg and every couple of days you came and pressed down hard on it and said, "When I thought about you for only one minute today I hoped that your leg feels okay." Do not lengthen your ex's recovery time, and add insult to injury, to assuage your own guilt. Maybe some day in the future you will be friends but now is not the time to work on that.
14) Who someone has sex with is NONE of your business. - With a very few extreme exceptions, other peoples' relationships are not for you to judge. Can any outsider really understand how two (or more) people get on? Honestly, there are far better things for us to be spending our time on than criticizing and undermining love. Especially if we are talking about relations between people you don't know. Honestly, if what is going on between theoretical strangers is a threat to you, stop reading this and start questioning your life.
People are different in a trillion ways, and the way that they express themselves, connect with others, and feel and know love will reflect that. Open your mind and don't worry about it. P.s. I'm pretty sure I've made it pretty obvious on this blog, but let's just establish that LGBTQ discrimination and hatred make you a bad person. Hiding behind your church, your family views, your political party or anything of the like to defend these views make you a worse person. This is not a negotiable situation.
15) Some people don't want to get married. Some people don't want to have children. - And this is perfectly fine. It's good that they know it, and it's great that they don't venture down a road that they know doesn't suit them. Don't try to make them feel bad or guilty about their wants and intentions. Trying to force people to like what you like is rude, presumptuous and utterly absurd. Imagine if you lectured everyone who didn't like the same ice cream flavor as you did.
I was with a woman once who said she never wanted to have children, but she was immediately corrected by another woman (with kids) who claimed, "Oh, you're just saying that now. When you get older you'll change your mind." The preachy woman was only three years older than the first woman, so I have no idea why she said that. All I know is that I regret not piping in and telling the mother to hush up.
16) "Lover" is a super weird word. - If you use it in real life to describe a person that you are seeing, the people listening to you will have instant hootenanny gag-explosions going off in their brain. Please leave the word in its comfort zone: 80's songs and romance novels. Thank you.
17) Keep yourself open to possibilities. -
"It is not that people won’t betray you. It is not that your heart won’t break again and again. Opening to whatever is present can be a heartbreaking business. But let the heart break, for your breaking heart only reveals a core of love unbroken." - Gangaji
Love might not look like what you think it will. If my love life had followed the exact path I assumed it would when I was little, how boring and small it would have been.
Who knows where you will meet someone you love? Who knows when or how. No one knows anything about love until they're in it. Have patience. Don’t settle. You will know what it feels like when a relationship isn't right. You will absolutely know when it does. Learn to spend time with yourself, accept yourself and love yourself. Let love come to you, but look for it in unexpected places while it does.
18) Someone will love everything about you. - When I was younger I thought guys would notice and care about whether your pedicure was neat or not. Seriously. Little did I know that many men, like my own husband for example, might or might not realize if all of my toes fell off.
But in all seriousness, one of the most moving and beautiful things I've seen and experienced in life is that people will love each other entirely, not choosing to ignore the things we don't like about ourselves, but choosing to embrace them. Someone will see that you walk funny, that you are really bad at balancing your checkbook and that you are very kind to people who ask for directions. They will see that you fog up the bathroom with a too-hot shower (every. day.), that you exaggerate about what you did last weekend, that your hands are soft and beautiful. And they will love ALL of those things.
This is one of my favorite songs, and it explains all of this in a way that makes me tear up every time I hear it:
What you need to be forgiven?
Everything that you've ever done wrong
is the reason that I'm driven
straight to you.
Waiting here for you,
wanting to tell you
how I get my ends and my beginnings mixed up, too.
Just the way you do.